Today, I feel super peaceful.

Sure it’s a Saturday and I have a day scheduled to the brim with client work. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It wasn’t until late yesterday afternoon that I realised – today, May 2, marks exactly 12 months since I’ve been fully self-employed.  And so as I sit on the back patio, bathing in the morning sunshine with a homemade iced coffee in hand, I’m overtaken with a feeling of gratitude and peace.

It’s surreal to think I spent the majority of my 20s consulting ‘on the side’; always working a full time job and keeping my passion as a side hustle, grappling with imposter syndrome and keeping the risk of relying solely on myself at a comfortable arm’s length.

I always thought having your own business would be really tough – everything you read about startups and small biz and hustlers who’ve made it big is about how it’s not an easy path to tread.  How some people just aren’t cut out for it, how others think it will be a cakewalk and don’t want to put the work in.  How long nights and mainlining caffeine is the only way to make it sustainable.  And you can forget about a social life for the first several years.  Maybe, in some ways, that’s all true.  But as I reflect on the last year and everything preceding it, I’m starting to think the ‘hard’ in hard slog is all a matter of perspective.

A friend read me a quote the other day that went along the lines of

“ENTREPRENEURS WOULD RATHER WORK 80 HOURS A WEEK FOR THEMSELVES, THAN WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK FOR SOMEONE ELSE.”

And that really landed.  The freedom that comes with working for yourself, to me, far outweighs the sleep lost to meeting deadlines, the inevitable coffee dependency, managing 17 different methods of communication with clients, juggling projects, admin, personalities, brief changes, scope creep, or the insecurity of not having a steady pay cheque.  To some, that might sound like a prison sentence; hard work with 100s of different bosses.  But it is freedom, in every measure.  Not once in the past 12 months have I been yelled at for not reading someone’s mind, gaslit into believing my work ethic (or my own existence) is insufficient, had to suffer an adult temper tantrum, watch my colleagues be treated as less than human, work a weekend that I didn’t want to, work on projects that I didn’t want to, deliver work that I didn’t feel morally aligned with.  I haven’t had to compromise any part of myself or my values to protect my livelihood.  That is freedom. 

Not to mention all the insane, wonderful adventures I’ve been so fortunate to have by going remote.  In the last year I have travelled to 9 countries, lived abroad for 10 months, made lifetime friendships with people I would have otherwise never met. I’ve met inspiring, driven, incredible people who motivate me to aim higher, I’ve strengthened bonds with friends back home, learned more about myself and felt more love than in the previous 29 years. I’ve let relationships go and not punished myself for not being available to people 24/7.  I’ve been able to volunteer my time to causes I deeply care about because how I use my time is fully dictated by me now. 

I’ve been able to fly on a moment’s notice – home in a crisis, to visit friends in other states, to Switzerland for my 30th birthday. I’ve fallen out of a plane over the Swiss Alps, climbed the Eiffel Tower, been awestruck at the Edinburgh Fringe. I’ve made myself at home in over 30 people’s houses, snuggled their pets, learned about their families, made human soup in their hot tubs, walked, explored, absorbed, learned, yearned, connected, manifested, grown, reflected, strengthened, and loved.

All the while, I’ve been building.  Building websites, brands, strategies, confidence, friendships, networks, plans for the future.  Building meaning and purpose into my life, that was never there when I worked for someone else.  A reason to get up every day without having an existential crisis into the bathroom mirror.  

This is not to say that I haven’t put in the hard work, long nights, lost hair, tears, sweat, and felt exhaustion in my bones over the past 12 years, working to get to this point.  The number of times I’ve heard “you’re burning the candle at both ends”, “you’re spreading yourself too thin”, “if you’re not enjoying it just quit”, and the one time I was told “you work too much, your brain is going to explode” by a guy I dated once, are testament to it not being a cakewalk.  Those years of work and experiences and over-committing myself were essential to getting to this point, and were totally worth it.

The last 12 months has categorically been the best year of my life so far.  And it’s so fitting that, as pure chance (or cosmic intervention) would have it, I am venturing out today with one of my closest friends and confidantes, for the first look at a possible premises for my dream agency. 

I realise I am extremely fortunate to have the opportunities and lifestyle that I have, and most of all the incredible clients, friends, and family I have.  I’m sure there’s not a drop of humility in the above monologue, but – hubris aside – I am eternally grateful to the people whose lives I get to be part of; my family and friends who are endlessly encouraging and supportive, and my clients who trust me with their businesses and let me be part of their vision.  

Thank you. Here’s to us all achieving our own version of freedom.